A very good friend of mine asked a simple question “Why do we fail in something again and again when we have been delivered and have overcome it previously? Shouldn’t we have moved on from the problem and face a different problem but why do we struggle with the same things again and again?

I think the life of a Christian is a path made of difficult choices and has lots of fruits(the apples we are not supposed to eat) and good looking things(which entice that they look good but do not satisfy us but rather take us away from God) on the outside of the path. God says to us to walk the path which will lead us to the riches in heaven but we look for temporary pleasures and go off the path to pick after the fruits and good things of this world.

When we fail to do so(not walk the path), which we often do, and wander off to the fruits, we build a wall of guilt around us which stops us from going back to the path that we were supposed to be on or rather the enemy makes us believe that we cannot go back on the path.

When we realize that and ask God to save us from it and bring us back to the path that he has set for us out of his grace he pours out his blood (to tear down the wall of sin and guilt we built) and brings us back to the path. But it is our own willingness to come back to the path that leads us there, not being forced by God but to be willing and do it out of our own free will.

That doesn’t mean there are no more fruits and good looking things on the outside of the path but rather we tend to realize what it really means.

The temptation doesn’t stop there. The enemy does not stop enticing us. He continues to do the same things. He knows our weakness and works on it. He is like a lion waiting for the right chance to devour us. Like that day in the garden of Eden he waits for a time until Eve is all alone and whispers, what exactly did God tell? The same thing happens to us, we forget the guilt but remember the temporary happiness and the fast-paced world influences us.

Whatever way the enemy uses he brings us outside of the path again for us to realize that the same thing happened. So we once again call out to God realizing it.

We would think that it happened once and it will never happen again but as the enemy is always on the lookout to devour us we should always have our eyes on the end of this journey rather than the road and its distractions. Even if we take our eyes off it for a moment and be alone without God we give a chance for the enemy to talk his ways into our lives.

I think having our eyes set on God will help us to walk the path despite the temptations and storms around us. When we take our eyes off God and look around like Peter did we tend to fall. So keeping our eyes locked on the person who wouldn’t let us fall and protects us, our Savior Jesus Christ is the way that keeps us on the path without falling.

The question I ask today is where are your heart and eyes looking. What are you listening to and hearing today that is causing you to fall again?

 

 

 

Have you ever experienced God personally. Some of you might have and some of you might have heard stories. This is my story how I experienced him on a different level.

This particular incident happened after my surgery (The reason and details of the surgery are a testimony in itself which I will leave for another day).

I have always heard stories of people seeing God or God touching someone to cure them, even the Bible is full of stories of such miracles. Though I believed in them it was difficult to relate to them as I never really experienced them. Sometimes for some of the recent incidents I did not believe in half of them. For me God was the almighty God who created the heavens and earth.

But it all changed that day. I was in the hospital after my surgery and in a lot of pain. I was being given an injection in my veins directly and it was painful beyond a level I could bear. As I did not want my mother to know I was in such pain I had to act strong.

Then I did the only thing I could think of, pray about it. I was asking Jesus that I need him and for him to help me. It was a desperate cry in pain. I was squeezing my hand in pain hoping it would go away.

That was the moment I felt it. I could feel his hand in mine and I did not feel the pain anymore. I had no words but just felt his hand and nothing else while in that place. It was an experience I could not forget to this day. I still remember the feeling that I had during those moments.

That was the moment I fully understood what an amazing God I had. Could you imagine the president of the world coming and visiting you when you were in the hospital just because you asked him to. That was how I felt at that moment and this is much greater than that. I realized that my God is not only the God almighty who is praised by all the world but also the most compassionate God who looks after even the smallest of our needs.

My heart is filled with a joy and happiness whenever I remember of this. I fully understand that the same God who healed the bleeding woman is with me that day and everyday. We have a living God among us and this realization brought peace to my heart and continues to fill me with hope.

As I write this testimony of God hope it brings peace to your heart too knowing the same God is looking after you and your needs.

(That night the Lord appeared to him and said, “I am the God of your father Abraham. Do not be afraid, for I am with you” (Genesis 26:24))

I was a kid who had anger issues. When something went wrong I used to storm away from my parents and just close the door behind me rashly so that I can be away from all of them and not deal with the situation. Without even realizing I used to do that even when I was the one who was wrong and was confronted on it.  Instead of dealing with it I used to run away from dealing with all my emotions.

This behavior of mine continued into my adult years, not the part about closing the door behind me but to close my heart and go away from everything when in pain.

It stuck with me even after I started believing in Christ and decided to give my life for him. When ever I fell into sin and disobeyed God I ran away from him. So whenever I disobeyed God or was not strong enough to overcome my temptations I fell into this cycle where I was moving away from Jesus. I used to feel that I was not worthy to be with Jesus.

One day as I was getting ready to go to church, in my own confusing thoughts I heard God speaking to me through the story of Adam and Eve… He showed me how Adam and Eve sinned and hid behind the tree.

I was shocked at how it resembles what I was trying to do. I could see myself going behind the tree (door) and closing my heart whenever I disobeyed God. 

(Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the Lord God as he was walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and they hid from the Lord God among the trees of the garden. ⁹ But the Lord God called to the man, “Where are you?” (Genesis 8-9))

It was not that God did not know where they were hiding but he is calling out to them to come from behind the tree(sin) and repent so that he could talk with them. Even today he is continuing to do so. Trying to get us from behind the trees and into his presence so that we can be forgiven through his grace and blood. 

How foolish was I to run away from him every time I fell into sin. Like the temple that had so many veils from God to man. I realized I can only meet him again when I ask(repent) him and he tears down the door for us.

(At that moment the curtain of the temple was torn in two from top to bottom. (Matthew 27:51))

It taught me an important lesson to be remembered for life. When we fall down because of our iniquities let us get up and go to God and repent our sins and turn away from them instead of being in guilt. So every time I do something I am not supposed to, instead of running away from a God, I now run towards God and ask for forgiveness and the strength to not do it again. Realizing that only through his blood that the power of sin is broken forever in our lives.

(So you also should consider yourselves to be dead to the power of sin and alive to God through Christ Jesus. (Romans 6:11))

I started this blog as a way to share my journey, my everyday life, how inadequate I am and how God is sculpting me. But when I look at the first few posts I have written I see a short sermon or a class on the bible. That was not my intention when I first started this blog. I wanted to give you an insight into my own mind hoping you people who felt the same way could find solutions to their struggles in Christ as I am learning to everyday.

So let me start with why I was not able to post anything for the past one month or more. It was not that I did now have any good posts or I was so busy to post anything. To tell you the truth I was filled with fear. So much fear that it paralyzed me in posting anything. I was filled with so many self doubts and questions which were eating me up. It was like me hesitating to go into a pool to learn to swim (which I would like to do so much) because the water is a cold. I know that I will be fine once I take the plunge and get completely in the water but my brain is trying to think of so many things that could go wrong that I don’t find the courage to go in there. Instead I try to go into the laboratory like a scientist trying to figure out why I was not able to when the answer was right in front of my face. “FACE” –> “FEAR”.

So today instead of thinking of all the things that could go wrong if I post I am going to take the plunge and just jump in the water.

Hope this will help me realize and remind me when I forget that first and foremost this blog is a means to find myself rather than to teach others something.

So let me leave you with a small verse from the bible which might or might not be associated with what I just told you. 🙂

 “For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.” (2 Timothy 1:7)

 

To Lord my Savior,

Let your word be a thorn in my heart 

Let it pierce me so that I remember it every second of everyday

Let me carry your cross so that it will always be with me 

Let every word you speak be to my heart directly 

I ask you this so that you would change me inside out 

The purest of water cannot clean me

but only your blood can clean me my Jesus