This is my story of how a small snow pile as it rolls over and over again, makes itself into an avalanche creating so much destruction.
I have battled with a lot of bad habits for a long time in my life. I tried to change them and often found myself not being able to do so. After coming to know in the saving grace of Jesus all of my bad habits started becoming giants which I had to overcome. I overcame some of them and some no matter how many times I tried I could not defeat them.
Every time I went to church and heard an empowering message it felt like the giants in my life are so easy to get rid of. But soon I realized that I was not able to do that so easily like David killed Goliath.
This started creating in me guilt which resulted in me blaming myself (Because who else could I blame for my own weakness). This slowly overtime turned into a feeling that told me I was not eligible to be with God. I deserved hell as I was not obeying God’s word.
Slowly the thoughts rolled over in my head every day. So much that they became me and I started seeing myself as unworthy. Finally, one day a point came when thoughts of suicide started forming in my mind. I did not want that but something in me is telling me that me dying is better than being alive.
One day I came to such a place that I believed it so much that I made detailed plans on how to die.
But like something switched off in my brain that day I stopped thinking and just went to sleep.
Next day when I woke up and thought about what happened and realized something. I really did not want to die. I wanted to fight but the enemy made me believe that leaving God is the only thing I could do, I was believing it. But I realized the truth is entirely different from my thoughts. I was worthy for that is what the Bible says. God has plans to prosper me.
No matter what I think or the society says I knew that God loved me despite knowing my weakness and me, and he has plans to change me, even if I can’t see the change in me right at that moment.
I learned the best way to slay a giant thoughts avalanche is to use the sword ( word of God). Next time I was faced with the same thoughts (of suicide or depression) I started saying the word of God. Which stopped the thoughts almost immediately making it disappear like it was never there.
As you fail many times in achieving something it can be personal or spiritual don’t let it stop you.
One of my favorite quotes puts it best: No matter how hard it is, just keep going because you only fail when you give up.
I still haven’t achieved anything in my life or even slew my giants by being alive, but just by being alive I know that one day I will.
I decided I won’t give up and that small change in my attitude has helped me in battling the avalanche of thoughts that pour out on me when I fail.